Today’s session is about what to do when your kids demands are relentless and you keep giving in.
Setting boundaries can be hard at the best of times but is even harder under lockdown. This session explores how the three elements of differentiation: identity, connection and responsivity come together as we seek to establish healthy boundaries with our children.
So, if you need to set some boundaries at this time watch the video and then apply it using these tips:
- What do you want? – What is the boundary, rule or behaviour that YOU really want?
- Think about a time when you tried to put this in place but ended up giving in – Identity what happened & what feelings emerged. When you try to put this boundary in place, these feelings will be reactivated. You need to recognise them and be able to soothe them, otherwise you’ll give in again. The Focusing approach in the group resources would be great here.
- Be a broken (empathic) record – Calmly state your desired boundary, rule or behaviour. Emphasise with their feelings, tolerate their discomfort (and yours), hold your position.
- Make it matter to them – Establish a realistic consequence that motivates them. Get creative! The secret is making following the boundary or rule matter more to your kids than their breaking the boundary or rule matters to you.
I love consequences when its a win-win for me. Like when the consequence for my daughter not flushing the toilet was that she got to clean it. I loved both outcomes. I stopped being annoyed when it happened and she got motivated.
Let me know your successes and share your failures – let’s learn together.
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See you next session,